Mother asks why ‘everyone hates’ engaged couples who ask for money instead of gifts

‘I’m genuinely baffled’

Vintage rose flowers and gift box with ribbon on light table (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A woman has prompted a fierce debate online after asking why “everyone hates” soon-to-be married couples who ask for money as opposed to gifts as wedding presents.

Writing a post on Mumsnet, the anonymous user explained that she is “genuinely baffled” by those who oppose the idea.

Plus, it’s not just engagement presents, the woman also questioned why a “polite request” for money as opposed to a gift to mark other occasions - such as birthdays - is so deeply frowned upon.

In instances of couples, she explained that money might be more helpful than a gift:

“In this day and age it's very rare for a couple not to live together before marriage,” she writes, “so it's unlikely that they need the traditional help in setting up a home together."

Plus, opting for money instead of a present avoids the awkward scenario of presenting a couple with a gift that isn’t suited to their tastes, she adds.

“I would much rather give a couple money and know they will be able to use it on something they will really love and appreciate than spend the same money on a gift they aren't guaranteed to like (or on some tedious gift list purchase like pillowcases...)”.

She went on to further lambaste the compulsory notion of gift-purchasing, describing it as archaic:

“Isn't it time we all moved on a bit and accepted that a gift isn't a requirement for attending a wedding but that if you want to give one and the bride and groom would find cash most helpful and welcome, we should just accept that?”

Her post has since garnered more than 390 responses and has polarised users on the discussion forum.

“I have no idea either,” wrote one person, “it is much easier and sensible. With an invitation there is always the implication that you bring a gift anyway as it is the done thing.”

“What's the problem? You give what you want to give,” added another.

However, the majority of commenters disagreed and argued that giving money could be considered impolite and unimaginative.

“I just think asking for anything is a bit rude,” wrote one user.

“But that's just me. I always think why not just save your money, go do it alone instead of getting everyone to pay for your party/holiday.”

“I dislike giving money is because it shows a lack of imagination,” added another.

“If I am invited to an event, I like to think about the person who has invited me, what I know about them, what I think they would like to receive - and then go and buy that.”

Some users argued that giving money could come across as “awkward” and “crass”, given it explicitly reveals how much you’ve spent on that person.

“It's rude to ask for any gift and even ruder to specify what the gift should be,” wrote one person.

“I don’t like someone knowing exactly how much I have spent on them,” added another.

“A gift can look a lot more generous than the same amount of money in an envelope."

It's undoubtedly a contentious issue, one that probably largely depends on the individuals you're purchasing the gift for and what gift you intend to buy them i.e. if you're leaning towards an ornamental flamingo or an avocado scooper, you might be better off going for the money option.