Man’s refusal to attend his brother’s vow renewal unless he pays for flight divides family

‘ I said that I had already attended his wedding once and that was plenty’

A man has explained why he refused to attend his brother’s vow renewal after his sibling declined his request to cover his flight.

In a post to the Am I the A**hole Reddit forum, the man wrote that he told his brother that he didn’t want to attend his second wedding because he had already been the best man in the first ceremony and didn’t see it as worth going to unless his brother covered his expenses this time around.

“My brother got married in Jamaica six years ago,” the original poster wrote. “It cost me $2,300 to go for the week plus a week off work, unpaid. Not really a huge deal. I love my brother and I wanted to be there for him.”

Six years later, the couple got pregnant and decided to renew their vows with a second wedding amid the exciting news. Although the original poster said he was happy for them, he said that told his brother that he wouldn’t be going.

“I’m busy with work and my own life,” the original poster explained. “He said he really wanted me there. I said no. He said it was important to him I be there. I said that I had already attended his wedding once and that was plenty.”

He added that because he was based in the San Francisco Bay Area, and their whole family was based on the east coast in Raleigh, North Carolina, he would be the only member of the family that would have to fly out for the second wedding. He added that the whole trip wouldn’t be worth the cost - especially since he’d already been to the first wedding.

While the brothers kept arguing, the original poster’s brother dropped a bombshell. “He finally admitted that the first wedding was a sham,” the original poster revealed. “They basically got us all out there for a party. I told him to get f***ed.”

Because of the revelation, the original poster was too upset to even reconsider going to the second wedding, but he kept his brother’s secret. He wrote that when his mother called him up telling him that he was a “jerk” for not going, he doubled down that he would only go if his brother would cover his flight. He wrote: “I said he was being a narcissist if he thought two weddings were needed.”

“She started bugging me and calling me out on in our family Facebook group,” he continued. “I told her and my brother to leave me out of their goofy a** wedding plans. Everyone started dogpiling me about not being there for him.”

He wrote that at the time he reminded them that he had supported his brother by being his best man at the first wedding, but his family was having none of it. After being relentlessly badgered, he said: “I told everyone to leave me alone and actually muted the group to avoid any further discussion.”

“They started calling me,” he continued. “I finally just started telling everyone that I wasn’t going to go unless they paid not just for this wedding but my time at the previous one. That just pissed people off.”

This was the final straw for the original poster, so he decided to spill his brother’s secret.

“I said that the first wedding wasn’t real. And that my brother was not really married,” he wrote. “And that he was probably only getting married because our family trust excludes kids born out of wedlock. It’s not a lot of money but it covers a full four-year degree or provides a grant to start a business.”

According to the Reddit user, by exposing his brother’s alleged secret, he started a huge rift in his family, with many pissed off at the couple for duping them. The original poster wrote that his brother yelled at him for spilling his secret, to which the poster replied that he was a “dumba** for not going to a justice of the peace”.

Reddit users overwhelmingly supported the original poster in this situation, with many dubbing the couple’s actions confusing and shady.

“Your brother is a dumba**,” one user commented. “Tell him you’ll definitely be attending his third wedding to his second wife, but you won’t be buying gifts.” Another added: “Your brother, his wife and your mother are for pushing this absurd fantasy on everyone else.”

Someone else noted that since the couple had a destination wedding for the first ceremony, they should have had a separate courthouse ceremony to formalise it in the US. “Every couple I’ve known who has gotten ‘married’ in a destination wedding has had another legal ceremony,” they wrote. “Your brother is a huge [a**hole] for not taking care of the legal marriage stuff like a grown-up but instead expecting everyone to do it all over again at their own expense.”