‘I was left homeless and begging for my baby because of an emotionally abusive relationship’

Regina wants to warn others of the signs of an abusive relationship

Regina Coker began dating a man in her 20s, but slowly came to realise he was controlling ( PA)

A woman who left her emotionally abusive ex-partner, moving into a hostel with their six-month old baby, is the “happiest (she has) ever been” since getting her life back on track – working for the social enterprise which helped her find a new career.

Regina Coker, 33, a partnerships executive from Kent, began dating a man in her 20s, but slowly came to realise he was controlling – making her cut all her friends and family out of her life.

Regina fell pregnant in 2015, and one argument with her ex was so bad that she started having contractions – so, when her baby was six months old, she decided to leave.

She was unable to get a council house because all of her finances were in her ex-partner’s name and she struggled to find proof of her address, so she had to sleep on a friend’s sofa and then live in a hostel where people would take drugs.

Eventually, St Mungo’s, a homelessness charity, helped her get a flat, and Beam, the world’s first crowdfunding platform for homeless people, raised enough money for her to train as a dental nurse and paid for any childcare.

Since then, Regina has gone on to work for Beam, is in a healthy relationship, and hopes that she can help others “sleep in peace”.

Regina told PA Real Life: “I ended up staying on a friend’s couch and I absolutely felt like I failed my daughter because I was throwing away a good life financially – how much we were bringing in each month was healthy enough for me to buy what I wanted.

“When I was in the council office I would have to go to McDonald’s over the road and beg them for hot water for my baby’s milk.”

Regina is now in a healthy relationship and has had another baby ( PA)

When Regina was in her early 20s, she got into an emotionally abusive relationship.

“He was a good friend of mine and he always fancied me, I just didn’t know and there was a lot of game playing that was going on – I really should have been more alert to it,” she explained.

“We got together officially when I was 21 and then the control started – he would ask ‘What are you wearing?’ and ‘What are you doing with your hair?’

“He’d make up stories about my friends and persuade me to not be friends with them anymore.

“There were arguments for no reason and a lot of telling me that I’m not good enough.”

Over time, Regina’s then-partner became more and more controlling, and when she fell pregnant in 2015 she realised just how badly she was being treated.

She said: “When I was about eight months’ pregnant… he made up an argument that came from nowhere, but I thought he was being serious.

“So he went ahead and argued with me and screamed in my face, and smashed a plate.

“Then I started getting contraction pains from the argument… I felt like I was going to give birth and that’s when I was like, ‘No, this is not normal, we shouldn’t be feeling like this’.”

Regina working at the charity ( )

At this point, Regina had cut off almost all of her relationships with her friends and family because of her ex.

“I believe my mum suspected that my ex was toxic and that’s the reason why she stepped away – she saw the signs of abuse before I did,” she said.

“And she said to me, ‘If you’re going to continue with this relationship, I cannot sit down and watch you do this, I can see what’s happening’.”

After Regina gave birth in December 2015 and her baby reached six months old, she decided to leave her partner.

She said: “I wanted her to have a better life, and when she is dating someone, she’ll be able to see a true example of how you’re supposed to be.

“So I walked away and went ahead to the council – I packed up big black bags, and a pram – (my ex) was texting me over and over again, to tell me to come back, and then there were nasty messages.”

However, Regina was denied a council house because all of her finances were in her ex’s name and there was not enough evidence to show she lived in her area, despite having two jobs there.

She was sent to her hometown’s council offices, which she does not wish to name, but was also told she did not have enough evidence that she used to live there.

After two days of sleeping on her friend’s sofa, Regina was able to move into a hostel for £1927 per month.

But she had to leave her job as an estate agent to be able to get income support which would help pay for her housing benefit.

She said: “A lot of the people that were there (in the hostel) were smoking weed… so I used to roll up towels and put them underneath my door.

“It was freezing and the space itself was filthy – there was a hole in the floor in the bathroom so you could see people coming in from the front door.”

Regina stayed in the hostel for around seven months, until St Mungo’s, a homelessness charity, helped her get a two-bedroom flat.

Then, Beam raised enough to pay for her to train as a dental nurse in 2017.

She said: “I knew I needed to get more stability in my life and I was struggling financially – Beam helped me with my training and paid for childcare.

“I could see all of the lovely messages from people who were sending in money for me which really helped, such as wishes for the future, and people saying I’m a wonderful mum.”

Regina often found that her emotions would come to the surface all of a sudden, as she did not have time to process what had happened to her and her baby.

Regina became a dental nurse in 2017 (PA)

She said: “On a random Saturday you’ll get a memory from when you were hiding in your car because the car was going to get clamped.

“Those were moments where I thought to myself, ‘Maybe it’s best if my daughter is with her dad, because he’s got more stability’.”

As time went on, Regina became more settled in her job as a dental nurse, and in October 2023, began working for Beam as a partnerships executive.

She said: “I’ve healed completely from what happened previously, so much so that I can talk about it without crying, which is amazing.

“I’ve also been able to get back in touch with friends and family that I lost while with my ex-partner.

“I went ahead and spoke to Alex (Beam’s founder) and he said come and work with us, and that I’ve got that extra knack that we would need on the team… bringing in my story is definitely helping with speaking to people.”

She is now also in a healthy relationship and has had another baby.

She said: “When I told him (my partner) about everything that happened, he said ‘I’m not toxic and I’m here to love you, and if you’re ever feeling like that just talk to me.’”

Looking back on her experiences, she said: “I don’t regret going through what I went through because it’s made me who I am today.

“I’m looking at the faces of people that need help now and I can’t imagine going through what I went through in the current climate.

“I’m at the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I would love to give the gift of that to the people that I see on the campaigns – the feeling that I feel right now where I can sleep in peace, and not wake up and think I don’t want to be here.”

Beam has helped thousands of people like Regina to move out of homelessness thanks to its community of changemakers – thousands of people who sponsor someone each month.

Each month, Beam changemakers get a feel-good email, introducing them to the person they are backing that month. This year, Beam also opened up its model for companies wishing to make an impact.

For more information, visit beam.org.