Evan Rachel Wood pens open essay about her suicide attempt and checking into a psychiatric hospital

'It was the worst, best thing that ever happened to me'

(Getty Images)

Evan Rachel Wood has opened up about checking herself into a psychiatric hospital when she was 22.

In an open essay, the 31-year-old recalled how a suicide attempt prompted her to ask for help.

The Westworld actor now says it was “the worst, best thing that ever happened” to her, because it led to her diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In the letter, written for Nylon, Wood begins by saying: "Mental health famously has a stigma around it. We are more likely to call in sick with a cold, than to say we’re depressed. We are more likely to get sympathy for a broken arm, than we are for a bout of debilitating sadness.

"But we know these things are real and they affect all of us in some form or another. Yet, because we can’t see depression, it’s easier to write off. It’s easier for people to put a negative stereotype on you. This is one of the biggest lies in society today."

She goes on to say: “It was morning; I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. Then with an almost hysterical acceptance, without thinking, I picked up the phone.

“It was one of those moments when you have a choice that goes beyond the initial choice you make by calling out for help: You can not die, or you can come back to life."

Wood recalls telling her mother: “'Mom?… It’s me… I just tried to kill myself… I need to go to a hospital’.”

But, the actor did not have any physical injuries, and instead said she needed treatment for her “state of mind”.

When she was questioned by her mother about why she attempted suicide, Wood revealed she “just wanted some space” from the “scars and shadows” that were filling her mind.

She was eventually diagnosed with PTSD, which was caused by multiple rapes and a severely abusive relationship that went on for years.

In the essay, the actor also spoke about how seeking help felt more difficult because she was in the public eye.

“Getting help for mental illness is not something I can broadcast,” Wood explains.

“So when it came time to find a psychiatric hospital, my first concern — which most people won’t have to worry about — was figuring out a way to get help without anyone finding out, because if they did, any chance I had at rebuilding myself would be severely impaired by the cruelty of strangers.”

The actor found a place at a private psychiatric hospital where her name was changed to protect her identity and she was prescribed medication for her anxiety.

Since her stay, Wood says she’s continued going to therapy and has managed to wean herself off medication.

Wood concluded the essay by reminding people that “depression isn’t a weakness”.

“There is no economic class, race, sexuality, or gender that is safe from their own mind. We know success doesn’t cure depression, we know that people telling you they love you doesn’t cure depression, we know that just thinking positively doesn’t cure depression,” she writes.

“Depression isn’t weakness, it’s a sickness. Sometimes a deadly one. And sometimes all people need is to know that they are loved and that others are there for them.

“They may not take your hand right away, but knowing it’s there could save their life one day.”

The actor first went public about the sexual abuse she experienced in 2016 when she revealed she had been raped by two people - a significant other and the owner of a bar.

Wood also gave emotional testimony in front of a House Judiciary Subcommittee in Washington to advocate for Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights Acts in all 50 states.

Detailing the abuse in March last year, the actor said: “I struggled with self-harm to the point of two suicide attempts, which landed me in a psychiatric hospital for a short period of time.

“This was, however, a turning point in my life when I started seeking professional help to deal with my trauma and mental stress.

“But others are not so fortunate, and because of this rape is often more than a few minutes of trauma, but slow death.”

For confidential support with mental health or suicidal feelings, you can contact The Samaritans on their free, 24-hour phone support by calling 116 123 or emailing jo@samaritans.org.

Rape Crisis - a national organisation offering support and counselling for those affected by rape and sexual abuse - is also available on 0808 802 9999.