Demi Lovato discusses coming out to her parents when she was 25: ‘I want you to be happy’

Lovato recalled her mom telling her she just wanted her to be ‘happy’

Demi Lovato has spoken candidly about coming out to her parents when she was 25 years old.

The Camp Rock star, who uses they/them/she/her pronouns, opened up about her experience during an interview with Sirius XM on 14 July, where she revealed she’d talked to her mom and stepdad about her sexuality before she came out to the public in 2020.

According to Lovato, they always knew they were queer growing up, but didn’t come out as pansexual until years later. “It took me until I was 25 to come out to my mom. At the time I was bisexual and then I realised I was pansexual. It took me a while,” the singer said.

The “Skyscraper” singer also reflected on their Christian background while opening up about their journey towards feeling “comfortable” about their sexuality, explaining that they “came from a Christian background and grew up queer and didn’t tell people until I felt comfortable with it”.

However, when Lovato’s music career took off, she recalled subtly exposing her sexuality through the lyrics of her songs, such as their 2015 hit “Cool for the Summer.” The single dropped prior to their discussion with their parents.

Looking back on the time period, Lovato thought the song gave away “obvious” clues, which she learned later her parents also picked up on. The 30-year-old referenced the line: “Got a taste for the cherry I just need to take a bite.” Though Lovato thought the lyric was a huge nod to their sexuality when she wrote it, she wasn’t ready to disclose the fact.

According to Lovato, they ultimately came out to their stepdad when they were on a plane to one of their shows. “One day I was about to go to a show and I was sitting on a plane and I was with my stepdad, who is basically my dad,” the “Sorry Not Sorry” creator recalled. “I was like: ‘Hey, I need to tell you something.’ I was like: ‘I like girls, too,’ and he was like: ‘Yeah, I know. You have ‘Cool for the Summer out.’”

Meanwhile, Lovato recalled that her mom’s reaction was both light-hearted and emotional when she came out to her before a date with a woman she liked.

“I didn’t know if I was going to be photographed or what and I really liked this girl and I was like, I think it’s time to tell my mom in case it becomes serious,” Lovato remembered. “So I sat my mom down and said: ‘I need to talk to you,’ and I said: ‘I’m about to go on a date with a girl and I just wanted you to know and hear it from me that I do like girls too.’”

As tears pooled in her mother’s eyes, Lovato recalled her saying: “I just want you to be happy,” a response that the singer said was “so valuable and so appreciated”.

“To have that reaction from a parent is so valuable and so appreciated because there are so many parents that don’t respond that way and it breaks my heart,” the Sonny with a Chance lead said. “So providing that energy and being a part of the community is so important for me, and providing a safe space is so important too.”

Now, Lovato uses their platform to encourage other individuals to embrace their sexuality and love who they are. Speaking to the interviewer who came out when they were 15, Lovato added: “That’s why I post on social media all the time about being queer and what it means and things that are in the public eye, what’s going on, current events. I post about it because it’s really important to me and I want 15-year-old you to feel appreciated and valued.”

In July 2020, the songwriter came out as “queer,” and then identified themself as pansexual and sexually fluid the following year in March. In May 2021, Lovato revealed they are non-binary and would be using they/them pronouns.

In June 2023, the musician opened up about their decision to re-adopt she/her pronouns, in addition to gender-neutral pronouns, with Lovato admitting it was “absolutely exhausting” having to “constantly” educate others.