‘It sent me insane’: How casual, label-free dating became the new normal

Ambiguity and situationships seem to rule the roost when it comes to modern relationships. Olivia Petter investigates whether the trend of ‘not attached to outcomes’ dating is taking the pressure off new couples – or driving us all to distraction

Relationships defined by their lack of definition are par for the course in today’s dating scene (Getty Images)

Ruby*, 34, had never felt happier leading up to the moment she said goodbye to Harry. The two of them had just spent the weekend together in a remote Airbnb in Scotland. “The whole thing was unbelievably romantic,” she recalls. “We were acting like a couple the whole time, cooking for each other, taking baths together, going on long hikes. It was perfect.” The trip went so well, they extended it by a night. And then another. They eventually said their goodbyes – and that’s when the panic hit.

“I suddenly realised I had no idea when I was seeing him again,” says Ruby. “We hadn’t defined anything. Nor had either of us talked about what was happening between us when we were together. So we just left each other and that was that. It sent me insane.”

Ruby’s story is far from unique. In today’s dating scene, ambiguity rules the roost, anecdotally and statistically. According to new data from Tinder, 69 per cent of 4,000 Gen Z members surveyed agree that, as they get older, following a conventional relationship timeline matters less to them. Meanwhile, Bumble has similar findings, with 31 per cent of members revealing they’re intentionally “slow dating” without a specific end goal or focus on traditional milestones. Just one in five (23 per cent) say they’re dating solely to find a spouse.