Want to be a better and more useful man? Be more Arnie!

That’s the theory anyway: read Arnold Schwarzenegger’s new self-help book on the seven tools of life and… well, this is what happened to Simon Mills when he tried to put the muscleman’s words of wisdom into action

Pumped: Arnie circa 1980 (Getty Images)

Have you noticed how men’s self-help books have such selfish, unhelpful and unpleasant titles?You Are a Badass, The Way of the Superior Man, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***. You often see them lined up in the WH Smith of any named airport terminal, all of them staring out in their pugnacious, scare-mongering and steroidal “glory”, challenging you to not pick them up in your search for meaning, money and masculinity. They are the literary equivalents of Under Armour apparel or cans of Monster Energy drinks. I can’t be the only man who looks at them and thinks: “No thanks.”

Often the books’ titles will employ a reductive, listicle, numerically-referencing vernacular. “The Dad’s Edge: 9 Simple Ways to Have: Unlimited Patience, Improved Relationships, and Positive Lasting Memories by Larry Hagner. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R Covey. Jordan B Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, or the super-clunky Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind and Focus on the Present (The Path to Calm) by Nick Trenton.

Why? Because men love to distil everything to an achievable metric, right? As if life can be broken down into a bullet-pointed, strike-throughable agenda of key points and takeaways, and that once everything has been achieved and ticked off, well, ta-da! The perfectly rounded, reasonable and thoughtful human male!