After Dark: Meaty, beaty, big and... friendly?

It's a rites-of-passage custom that every clubber must endure before becoming an adult - like school, acne and hormones, everyone has to negotiate their way past bouncers.

Traditionally dressed in undertaker black, a doorman is your nemesis whose sole mission in life is to make your passage into a club as arduous as possible.

"Not tonight son," "Your name's not on the list," or the infamous "members only tonight" are some of the more printable excuses offered. And the underlying threat of force keeps punters on the straight and narrow. But this hard-nosed image may no longer be deserved.

"Most people think door supervisors are thick, lacking in intelligence, on steroids and overly aggressive," says Pealy [real name J. Sidhu], who's worked 14 years on doors.

"It's based on a little truth but we're talking about the old-type bouncers. The media always pick up on the negative side but that sort of operator only accounts for about two per cent of doormen these days."

But if the classic stereotype is out of date, what do today's bouncers do apart from glare at you on the door?

"When you do your job correctly the results are phenomenal," says Pealy. "I've lost count of the times I've saved people from being stabbed, bottled or from taking an overdose, but that sort of thing will never get mentioned in the papers."

"I was working in Birmingham one night when a colleague and I spotted this guy picking up a bottle. We followed him because we didn't believe that he was about to take it back to the bar. He walks up to this guy quite slyly and pretends to talk to him before raising the bottle to smash over his head. As the bottle reached shoulder height we pulled it out of his hand."

The new and improved species of doorman would like to be distanced from his predecessor. The Nineties version appears far superior and even includes members of the "gentler" sex.

Leisure Security has been in business for 13 years and provide staff for countless venues (predominantly nightclubs) from Newcastle to Brighton, including London's Ministry of Sound.

"The industry has changed," says Mark Higgins of Leisure Security. "You still have some disreputable characters, but they don't tend to last very long with council registration schemes and other checks.

"We give on-site training, and teach interpersonal skills and body language. If you're in a noisy venue, you have to be able to watch things develop and judge whether potential problems are imminent."

The company also enforces a strict code of conduct which details how staff should behave. Drug dealing, excessive force or discrimination on the grounds of race or disability are not tolerated.

"We draw the short straw when it comes to violence," says Pealy, who now provides training for door supervisors. "Many places are closed down because the police cannot handle the violence, but we have to deal with people coming into a club and threatening to shoot you.

"Having said all that, the job is very rewarding. You get to meet lots of people and become a nursemaid, social worker and a marriage guidance counsellor, listening to people and helping them with their problems."

At the top end of clubland, at least, the modern bouncer is part dark knight, part agony aunt. It's up to you which personality you encounter; ultimately your experience at the hands of security personnel will not be confrontational if you don't provoke suspicion, unlike the drug dealer who secreted his stash inside his wooden leg.

Pealy boasts a BA degree, while one of his colleagues is a poet, so while you queue patiently to get inside a club, it may not be your labels or your mates which are the key to getting you in.

A skilled discourse on the works of Socrates just might put you on the right side of the men in black.

OPEN SESAME

Unless you're an A-list celebrity, jeans or trainers are an instant no-go. Make an effort.

If you arrive with a large group of boys, find girls who are willing to pretend to be your partners. It vastly improves your chances of entry and, who knows, the girls might stay with you after you all get inside.

Never turn up with alcohol, drugs or obviously intoxicated.

Never try the "Do you know who I am?" line - bouncers don't care.

If there is a mistake on the list, be persistent but polite.

It's easier to get in if you're female. Too bad, boys.