50, married, divorced and still hoping for chances to party

Trudy has turned 50 and is still searching for the meaning of life, just like when she was 21. By Christine Manby

(Illustration by Tom Ford)

And so I turned 50. How did that happen? How did I get so old? Back in 1995, when I’d just turned 24, Pulp released their biggest hit – “Disco 2000”. Before most of us had ever seen an email, let along started worrying about the Millennium Bug, it seemed certain that New Year’s Eve 1999 would be the biggest party of all time. But, I worried, would I even want to go? On New Year’s Eve 1999, I would be 28. Impossibly old, or so I thought. I’d probably even be married. Surely it would be unseemly for such an ancient crone to join any millennium knees-up?

When the year 2000 rolled around I was not married and neither did I feel that old. Though I was beginning to worry that I might be forever left on the shelf. Jeez. If I’d had any idea that 21 years later I would have been married and divorced, that I would be 50 and still searching for the meaning of life... And more importantly, still hoping for chances to party. #notdeadyet

I’ve spent most of this year cycling between denial and resignation regarding my upcoming half-century. Also, I’ve felt more than a little resentment that so many months of the last two years of my forties were spent in lockdown. I was supposed to be on a beach.