Comedians wrote the script for a porn scene and it’s wonderful

'I have to finish in an even amount of strokes otherwise I think my mum’s apartment is on fire.'

The dialogue in the majority of porn is so awkward and perfunctory they probably shouldn’t even bother talking, or better still, just turn it into a comedy.

That’s what Nikki Glaser did on her Not Safe show for Comedy Central this week, fitting porn actors Jake Jace and Luna Star with earpieces and feeding them lines.

“Hi, this is the part of the porno that everybody fast forwards to,” the scene opens.

Other notable lines include the mid-doggy style: “I’m just like Washington crossing the Delaware!” and the brilliant conclusion: “I have to finish in an even amount of strokes otherwise I think my mum’s apartment is on fire.”

The actors are consummate professionals, managing to complete the scene without laughing once and even throwing in a little improv.