The Old Fart's festival guide: Finding an oasis of calm in a city lost to the Fringe

In the final week, the pressure is on to see the remaining 3,436 shows. Chris Bratt explores the quieter exhibitions for when the crowds get a bit much

In a last minute dash for an audience, one show has pitched a pop-up tent to hand out flyers through the roof (Chris Bratt)

Yesterday morning, feeling frail after a late night show, I lost the battle and we went shopping. I was secretly pleased that the area around John Lewis is akin to a war zone. The neighbouring Seventies shopping centre, hotel and office block are being demolished to make way for a shopping centre, an office block, and apartments. On one side of Leith Walk, the pavements are closed and, after the festival, the road itself will be closed. Maybe until 2020. It sounds like the tram development all over again. Our visit was short and we went back the long way around the block; I do not intend to return until 2021.

So we ventured into Princes Street instead. Well, I say “we” went shopping; I stood by doors and Herself went in to several shops only to return seconds later with, “No there’s nothing there!” “But the shop’s full of clothes!” “Nothing cotton, it’s all polyester!” And all ten metres from the door of a three storey store. I marvel at this truly female skill. Not that I would say anything or even discuss it in the pub with mates. Sparked by Donald Trump’s outpourings during the presidential campaign about women, Locker Room Talk (Traverse), is a one-off play by Gary McNair, in which four women read out real conversations Gary has recorded with men in clubs, pubs and locker rooms on how they view women, which some women may find offensive or misogynistic. Fascinating, thought-provoking stuff.

Princes Street and New Town – the main Georgian areas of Edinburgh – have now been pretty much lost to the bulk of the Fringe, the Stand Comedy Club and Assembly Rooms venues excepted; although, this year, the Book Festival has spilled out of Charlotte Square and into George Street itself. Princes Street is the home of Beethoven for Breakfast, Lunch and Afternoon Tea (and many other classical composers) at the Royal Overseas League; music played by ROSL prize winners and scholars is always a welcome oasis of calm. I should also mention here that the two National Art Galleries have blockbuster exhibitions – “Beyond Caravaggio”, “True to Life: British Realist Painting” and “Bonnie Prince Charlie and the Jacobites”. There is also a display of items of the Galloway Hoard – the finest collection of Viking-age artefacts ever, that have laid buried for a thousand years – which now needs £1.98m to save it for the nation. All good places to retreat to when it gets a bit much. And at the end of the day, check out Hot Chocolate at 10 at Old St Paul’s Church for, not surprisingly, a cup of hot chocolate and some relaxing classical music.

One of smallest venues – sold out venue for ‘Half Breed’ (Chris Bratt)

But, wandering back across North Bridge from New Town, or walking in across the Meadows, it’s impossible not to notice the number of people that are cooped up in the city for August. Let’s just assume there are 3500 shows on offer and that, on average, there are two performers in each (so that’s 7000 people); each show has a technician and many have musicians (both may be doing several shows of course); there are flyerers, venue staff, food outlets and bar staff, Fringe street staff ... the list goes on and on.

So just to put those shows on takes an army of some 25,000 – and I guess that’s a conservative estimate. Add in the International Festival, the Book Festival and other earlier festivals and you have another battalion. That combined total is approximately the number of students at both Edinburgh universities (33,000). Now add in the number of punters coming to the festivals (I have no idea of figures for that, but it’s significant) and you begin to wonder how Edinburgh actually copes with it all. There are those coming in for the Tattoo as well, with those not on bus tours requiring hotels or B&B. There seem to be enough beds for everyone and the council must be congratulated on keeping the central streets clean. They must operate very early in the morning, because you rarely see the cleaners about.

There has been debate in The Scotsman this last week about spreading out the festivals over three months to avoid one huge influx of people in August. It is said that many locals leave the city for the month, rent out their flats or houses and head off somewhere exotic on the proceeds. And who can blame them? Streets are taken over, traffic forced around closed areas and walking to work or regular shopping trips must be a nightmare. On the other hand, the festivals are a source of enormous revenue – the university, restaurants, taxis and local grocery shops all benefit. But, as a World Heritage Site, some are worried that it is in danger of becoming overrun with tourists – a Machu Picchu without the altitude.

The performers themselves of course are only performing for an hour or so each day, but then are out on the streets busy hustling to persuade the punters to go to their shows rather than someone else’s. Given all this activity and movement of people around the city, it’s not surprising it’s almost impossible to walk down Nicolson Street. I am guessing that every other person you pass in the street is a performer.

What a crazy way to spend August!

Edinburgh in August is like Machu Picchu without the altitude (Chris Bratt)

And now in the final week, the pressure is on to get to those shows that you’ve heard are good from people in queues, persuasive flyerers and five star studded posters around everywhere. We estimate that in the next four days we have to see about 3,420 shows in addition to the sixteen already booked. Somehow I think it defies every law of logistics. In an inventive, perhaps last minute dash for an audience, one show has pitched a pop-up tent to hand out flyers through the roof. The physical theatre show is called What Lies Beneath and is now offering 2for1 if you take a flyer to the box office.

In my last article, I said that many Fringe shows highlight issues of current concern. Since then, we have seen Flesh and Bone (Pleasance Dome) presented by Unpolished Theatre. There is nothing unpolished about this show, however, which treats the displacement of indigenous populations in London gentrification areas. Although written over a year ago, its resonance to current relationships between residents and councils is palpable. Very strong narrative and acting, fully justifying the standing ovation. Who says the arts are unnecessary? It is good to be stirred out of complacency or ignorance of some of the problems faced by those less fortunate than ourselves. In the wonderful, demanding Half Breed (Assembly) we learn of some faced by a mixed race teenager in the West Country.

Dave Johns was chosen by Ken Loach to be the lead actor in I, Daniel Blake, which reaped many awards and launched Dave, a stand up comedian for over 30 years, on a new career at the age of 61 (proving there’s hope for us all). In I, Fillum Star, he tells the tale and says how proud he is of playing his part in bringing the inadequacies of the welfare system into public debate.

Many of the shows I have mentioned, and others, will be going on tour around the country after Edinburgh, giving you the chance to experience the standard of production and thereby make a decision to join us next year at The Festival itself.

Every other person you pass is a performer (Chris Bratt)

Let me close with three comments from Ivan Brackenbury, who this year is celebrating his 11th Fringe show, although he thought it was his 10th as he started in 2007, forgetting that you count the first year.

The first perhaps a little close to we oldies.

“My old dad is into furniture restoration: at least he stains chairs. And his memory foam bed wishes it wasn’t.”

“When there’s storm, don’t hide, learn to dance. Unfortunately, a friend of mine was struck by lighting – she was a pole dancer. But she always wanted to be a conductor.”

“Consider a nun having sex with a donkey in a lift – it’s wrong on so many levels.”

Well, what do you expect? We’re in week three!