Valentine's Day: The best bad sex scenes from books

Who needs Shakespeare when you can read your beloved these 'delights'?

Jess Denham
Thursday 13 February 2014 19:04 GMT
Comments
From Fifty Shades of Grey to Lady Chatterley's Lover - bad sex in books is worth a laugh this Valentine's Day
From Fifty Shades of Grey to Lady Chatterley's Lover - bad sex in books is worth a laugh this Valentine's Day (Getty Images)

Your support helps us to tell the story

From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.

At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.

The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.

Your support makes all the difference.

For better or for worse, there’s no escaping Valentine’s Day. The high street is awash with cringe cards, teddy bears and roses as the world prepares to celebrate love - in some vague sense of the word.

So will you be reading your beloved a Shakespearen sonnet in a grand gesture of romance? Probably not. Instead, why not explore the vast array of ‘erotic’ literature that past writers have so kindly bestowed upon us for such occasions?

There’s EL James’ bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey and the “wild and wanton” version of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice for starters. Then there's the Bad Sex Awards nominees from bygone years, won in 2013 by Manil Suri for the subatomic bisexual orgy he describes in The City of Devi.

“Surely supernovas explode that instant, somewhere, in some galaxy. The hut vanishes and with it the sea and the sands – only Karun’s body, locked with mine, remains,” reads the winning extract. “We streak like superheroes past suns and solar systems, we dive through shoals of quarks and atomic nuclei. In celebration of our breakthrough fourth star, statisticians the world over rejoice”

If nothing else, the best relationships involve laughter – something these supposedly sexy but actually oh-so-bizarre extracts are sure to encourage.


Join our commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in