This is how you can support someone coming out as trans

Like Jamie Wallis, I came out as trans in a high-profile job – it was a rollercoaster

Being yourself – really yourself – and being accepted for who you are is the only way to live, rather than just exist (Getty Images)

So, Britain now has its first trans MP after Jamie Wallis’ dramatic personal announcement yesterday. I read the reports on social and other media and could not help think of my social transition 11 years ago, to be Britain’s first trans discrimination barrister.

My transition did not have a fraction of the drama of Jamie’s recent story, including rape and blackmail, but nevertheless, the first morning that I came into Chambers as my authentic self will stay with me forever. It is impossible to adequately describe, but if you think of that moment when the rollercoaster hangs over the first drop and magnify that a thousand times, you will get somewhere near it.

How can Jamie Wallis’ colleagues, constituents, family and friends provide useful support? Firstly, affirmation of support is tremendously valuable. To hear that those you respect and rely on still respect and support you is beyond rubies.

Secondly, educate yourselves. The anti-trans narratives deplorably supported and encouraged in recent times, even by senior Tories, including, deplorably, the prime minister, are wrong.  Trans people just want to get on with their lives, and are no more a threat to others than any other demographic.

Like all minorities, we are the butt of jokes and worse, and the first thing supportive allies can do is not to tolerate such behaviour. Strangely enough, transition does not involve instant deafness or the inability to read email or social media.

Importantly, don’t expect the trans person to be the educator. They are going through a really traumatic personal re-evaluation, and you cannot expect them to become the instant expert on the more esoteric parts of the Equality Act or the rights and wrongs of trans inclusion in sport.

It was several years after my transition that I felt sufficiently calm and settled in my own transition to be able to advise others in this tricky (and developing) area of the law. We now understand that “trans” is not just one thing and Jamie needs space and time to work out who he is, now that he can stop pretending.

I have seen one or two senior Tories coming out in support of Jamie. To my mind, remarkable examples include Liz Truss, the foreign secretary, and Oliver Dowden, the Conservative Party chairman. Neither have been known for their support of trans people recently, in terms of their writing, speeches and associations with bodies like the US Heritage Foundation.

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Perhaps Jamie’s transition will give them pause for thought on the use of trans people as a political football in recent times. Perhaps the PM will consider his after-dinner speeches, although we should not hope for miracles.

Jamie should know, hopefully does know, that there are many supportive organisations and individuals out here. Trans people often reach out to offer help. When I flew back from Thailand after my gender-confirmation surgery and could not face the long train journey home from Heathrow, a well known trans musician, who I had never previously met, had been reading my blog. She drove to Heathrow, then drove me home, an act of kindness that brings a tear to my eye as I write. Jamie, we are here for you.

It is impossible to predict where transition will take you, because we cannot try out Star Trek-style parallel universes, but I can tell you that being yourself – really yourself – and being accepted for who you are is the only way to live, rather than just exist. Best wishes on your journey.

Robin Moira White is the first barrister to transition in practice at the discrimination bar and is the joint author of the leading text on transgender law