I'll fight for my name

'If Paul Burrell tries to register "The Rock" as a trademark, he'll have to deal with Gibraltar, Paul Simon and the estate of Rock Hudson'

The recent outbreak of legal hostilities between Mrs Victoria Beckham and Peterborough United football club – the so-called "Posh Wars" – has highlighted the little known but highly profitable area of nomenclature litigation. Over the past 20 years, a number of court cases have been prompted by disputes over who precisely has the right to register a name, word or catchphrase as a trademark.

While these cases may seem to be of interest only to legal historians, their outcome has had a very real impact on who precisely owns the language we speak.

Muffin the Mule

In the first significant case of nomenclature litigation, the creators of the children's TV favourite of the 1950s sued a small film producer called Farmyard Fun Inc from San Diego. It was argued that one of their productions, Muffin' the Mule, had brought the name of the original Muffin into disrepute, being what was described in court as "a gross picaresque of interest only to bestialists and perverts". Lawyers for Farmyard Fun pointed out that, in certain circles, the verb "to muff" was widely current and that the title of the film was no more than an accurate summary of its principal activity. The judge ruled against them.

Psycho

Down the years, many footballers have tried to lay claim to this sobriquet, saying it was an affectionate nickname used by those of their fans who appreciated their robust and fiery style of play. Yet none of them – not Psycho Souness, Psycho Wise, Psycho Keane, Mark "Psycho" Dennis, Psycho Pearce, nor even (in a rare instance of football irony) Psycho le Tissier – has managed to register the name as a trademark. Their problem was simple. The peerless and subtle Chilean full back Ciko has successfully argued that for him to be associated with a bunch of foul-mouthed English cloggers would cause him humiliation, embarrassment and loss of earnings.

The King

One of the most prolonged (and unresolved) lawsuits in the history of nomenclature litigation has set the estate of Elvis Presley against one of the Greek royal family. Lawyers for the Presley family have always claimed that because, unlike King Constantine of Greece, Elvis Presley had actually earnt his title through his efforts and talent, he should be allowed to register it as a trademark. "Ask anyone in the world who the King is and, outside one small country, they are unlikely to reply, King Constantine," as one lawyer put it.

Rock

The media empire representing the butler/personality Paul Burrell will have a fight on their hands if they attempt to register his royal nickname "The Rock" as a trademark. When the estate of Rock Hudson laid claim to it shortly after the actor's death, they were challenged by representatives of the notoriously bloody-minded inhabitants of Gibraltar. They were joined in court by CBS records, whose lawyers argued that their artist Paul Simon had not only written and recorded a song called "Loves Me Like a Rock" but, even more crucially, was the composer of the song "I am a Rock".

Thrumming

Literary scholars have watched with interest as two well-known novelists have vied with one another to establish the ownership of this word. Nicholson Baker claimed that he had invented the term to describe the act of masturbation (at the time he had been going through his ill-fated erotic novel phase). Reviewing the book, Martin Amis pointed out that he had thrummed first, using the word in several of his early books. Eventually a jointly-owned trademark was agreed.

Tricky

The trip-hop star Tricky must have thought there would be little problem in registering his unusual name. The estate of the former president of the United States, Richard Nixon, had other ideas. During his later years, Nixon had made some useful pocket-money from terms such as "expletive deleted" and "I am not a quitter". After his death, his estate attempted to live up to his legacy by registering the phrase most frequently associated with his presidency – "Tricky Dicky". A court finally ruled that, without the Dicky, the rock luminary Tricky would not breach trademark rules in registering his name.