Captain Moonlight

DOESN'T he look charming? This is the Captain's barking guard dog, pictured below, next to his proud master. A bit on the small side, I'll grant you, but don't be taken in by that. I will wager you thought he was real. I got him last week, my eye having been taken by a graphic advertisement inviting me to 'see off intruders'. Living in London, and working eponymous hours, I have long felt the need of something like this to protect Mrs Moonlight and the small Moonbeam during my absence. You might just be able to spot the hi- tech 'magic eye' sensor beneath his jowls: woe betide anyone who breaks that beam] The bark has an eerie quality, terribly threatening if you are of a nervous disposition and possess acute hearing. I've grown very fond of him already. The right sort of name was important. Inquiries in the guard dog world disclosed that most of them are named after boxers, to give the right edge of menace: 'Bruno' and, in particular, 'Tyson', are very popular. Looking for something a little more distinctive, I plumped for 'Eubank'. Eubank runs on four AA batteries (not included) and will cost you pounds 12.50 from Carol Wright Gifts, of Faversham. And, of course, he has an extra attraction for me, a founder member of the Independent on Sunday Dirty Dogs Campaign: no anxious hovering with the scooper. Don't get too close, though. Down, Eubank, down]