Poetic licence
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Your support makes all the difference.Rail companies have been fined pounds 4m over late trains or trains with too few carriages. John Prescott, who is in charge of transport, said it was "unacceptable" that the performance of many UK train operators still continued to be worse than last year
Why Trains Are Crap
Invertebrate with tiny feet
An alien designed your seat
Who never had an earthling's back
Or travelled on a railway track
But probably commutes to work
By bearing down like Captain Kirk
The things controlling rush-hour trains
Were fitted out with faulty brains
Quite adequate for twin-tub driers
Or children's toys with rubber tyres
But not for anything which needs
To get to London, Bath or Leeds
The beings in charge of railway grub
Must meet on Saturn in a pub
And then decide at final bell
That passengers can go to hell
So price at one pound eighty-three
A pack of nuts and cup of tea
Comedians from Betelgeuse
May well have hoped to be of use
By dressing Connex staff like prats
In blue and yellow gendarme hats
Then brightening up the weekday rush
By making sure the loos don't flush
A creature known as Thargon Vektt
Is probably the architect
Of what they do on train breakdowns
For transport in Venusian towns
But what he mostly does for us is
Rustles up a fleet of buses
A gaseous mass which orbits Mars
And hates all trains but mates with cars
Is currently controller for
Our transport police and law
He's not the most enlightened chap
And that is why our trains are crap.
Martin Newell
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