Brexit's a disaster, the PM's only just clinging on to power, so an early holiday for MPs obviously makes total sense

Caught between an angry rock (Anna Soubry) and an implacable hard place (Jacob Rees-Mogg), a spot of walking in a remote corner of the British Isles would appeal even to those who have never taken up a hiking pole

Have you heard the one about the members of parliament who were so effective at their jobs that they decided to take an early holiday? You haven’t? Good, because although it's a complete joke, it won’t make you laugh.

Mired as the government is in shambolic Brexit machinations, and with momentum behind the PM’s hard won “Chequers deal” crumbling faster than a cake left in the sun (you can’t always have it and eat it, you know), it isn’t hard to understand why Theresa May might want to get away from Westminster for the summer a little sooner than anticipated.

Caught between an angry rock (Anna Soubry) and an implacable hard place (Jacob Rees-Mogg), a spot of walking in a remote corner of the British Isles – or, heaven forfend, elsewhere in the EU – would sound appealing even to those who have never before taken up a hiking pole.

Yesterday, the divisions on the Conservative benches were laid more abundantly clear than ever. Only a similarly destructive split on the Labour side of the house enabled the government to win the day, somehow quelling rebellions by both arch Brexiteers and pro-EU Tories to get key amendments on the Customs Bill through by three votes. There could be more of the same today when the Trade Bill is debated.

However, all that will be a sideshow compared to the big vote of the week, when MPs are expected to arrive for the division in their swimming gear, dog-eared Jilly Cooper paperback at the ready, in the hope that they’ll be able to get the first evening flight from Luton to Magaluf.

As things stands, the parliamentary session is due to end on Tuesday next week, but a motion tabled by the government would bring the hols forward to this Thursday. Given that this current heatwave is bound to end sooner rather than later, you can see their point. Then again, there’s only so much heat a prime minister can handle.

However, the greatest irony of all is that the government might not be able to get even the chance of an early break through the Commons, such is the mood there at present. Labour’s Angela Rayner said the idea was “pathetic” while the Conservative MP Nicholas Soames said he would vote against the plan.

The truth is, rather like fractious children at the end of a long term you rather get the sense that MPs of all hues would benefit from a bit of downtime. Chillax by the pool perhaps, a la David Cameron. Or maybe visit some ruins of a once great civilisation – a good way to introduce the kids to their likely future.

But if MPs simply can’t agree on this important holiday question, maybe it should be put to the country. This referendum would, after all, almost certainly unite the great British public in a way no other could. “Should MPs get some extra time off at your expense? Yes or no.” In case of a “yes” vote we must understand that “holiday means holiday”. And in the case of a “no” outcome, “get back to work and sort it out means...”, ah forget it.

On the plus side, we can at least be assured that when our elected representatives come back to Westminster in the autumn – irrespective of whether they head to Maggers this week or next – they will be well-rested, even-tempered and Brexit will proceed with the kind of smoothness we all expected when we embarked down this road two years ago.

Personally, I’m willing the MPs to give themselves an extra-long break – because frankly I want a holiday from the lot of them.